Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
