i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
