I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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