I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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