Swine flu. Run for my life!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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