She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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