i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
