I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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