Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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