Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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