so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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