Nicole vs. Life
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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