Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
