What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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