i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
