I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
