You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
