Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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