i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
