There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
accomplished twins. life is a go
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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