I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
