i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
