No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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