if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
