this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
