Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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