Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
