i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
