Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
