tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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