is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
