While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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