I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
