i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
