So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
