I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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