Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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