We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
