i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
