I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
