I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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