Michael Bay diarrhea
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
