She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
