My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
