Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
