my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
