i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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