An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize