you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
