If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
