Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
