Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
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