i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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