so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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