I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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