I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
